Author Archives: Sketchy Andy

About Sketchy Andy

Maybe you recognize me from my badass You Tube videos of hard falls, crazy lines, free solos, base jumps, ropeJumps, and radical slackline tricks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdHqmnB-NNc

 

I met Gnomeplaya and Gnomecow at the Banff Mountain Film Festival, which featured my latest award-winning documentary. When they introduced me to everyone at the Gnome Abode, some thought I was crazy. Others accused me of being a lego figure gnome with a fishing pole.

I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations. However, I am Sketchy Andy and I am here to slackline your socks off.

Meet Lampy…The Oldest Gnome in the World (Who’s Overseeing a Cycling Race!)

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Here at The Gnome Abode, we got a guy who was born in 1970. Fips has got nothin’ on Lampy, the oldest known gnome in the world.

Lampy is the only survivor of a set of 21 garden gnomes that were important from Germany to Britain in the 1840s. An eccentric spiritualist, Sir Charles Isham, brought Lampy and his dear brothers over in 1847. They were all made out of terracotta, and the whereabouts of Lampy’s brothers’ remains is a mystery.

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Lampy: most treasured father of all gnomes

Isham’s daughters (who sound like miserable people) hated the gnomes and removed them from their property. But sneaky lil’ Lampy survived! And today, he’s considered to be the oldest garden gnome in the world.

In 1997, Lampy was insured for £1 million, and is estimated to be worth £2 million.

WHOA!

You can see Lampy for yourself inside Lamport Hall in Northamptonshire, where he’s been living for over 125 years.

“In Chelsea Flower Show’s centenary year, I can’t think of anything more fitting than an invite for Lampy,” said Lamport Hall’s assistant property manager, Neil Lyon, before the suprisingly gnome-friendly recent event.

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A replica of Lampy the garden gnome (WikiCommons)

So what’s Lampy up to these days?

Well by golly, he’s the guest of honor at an upcoming cycling race…what else?

Cycle 4 Cynthia is taking place on September 21st to raise money for Cynthia Spencer Hospice and the Northhampton charity, Kidsaid, which supports kids who’ve suffered from bullying and abuse. According to the Northampton Chronicle, participants are being encouraged to dress up like dear ole’ Lampy in his honor!

Cyclists will ride five, 25, or 50 mile routes and yes, there are prizes for best costume!

Neil Lyon, Lamport’s Assistant Property Manager, said: “I’m sure Lampy would be pleased to think that he was playing his small part in helping to raise even more money for this wonderful event and he cant wait to see all those riders with red pointed hats perched on top of their cycle helmets pedal off down the drive.”

If your little gnome legs are up for the challenge, sign up for the race at visit www.cycle4cynthia.com!

And this concludes today’s combined lesson of history and current events.

Oh and happy Labor Day to all our lazy non-working American gnomes 🙂

xoxo,
Sketchy Andy the Gnome

Internet help needed for a good cause! Legally optional!

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One of our best gnome scouts tipped us off about this 1969 British sitcom called The Gnomes of Dulwich.

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http://www.comedy.co.uk/guide/tv/gnomes_of_dulwich/

Who out there in Internetville can help us acquire these episodes?!??!

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I’d chat longer, but I’m freaking out over the prospect of watching this to type straight. Or that may be the vodka.

Either way. Tootaloo.

BREAKING NEWS: Travel Gnome, Sheldon, is missing a 1.5 legs!

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We interrupt your regularly-scheduled blog following to bring you an important message. Legendary travel gnome, Sheldon, has been brutally injured in the field of travel duty.

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He was last spotted in one piece at the Hot Springs State Park in Thermopolos, Wyoming. The cause of Sheldon’s injury remains unknown at this time.

This is particularly devastating news because Sheldon was already a victim of assault and a recovering broken limb victim. Please refer back to a July 2012 article about Sheldon’s unfortunate mishap in Austin, Texas.

The trip that Sheldon was currently on has been referred to as his “comeback.” He’s been challenged by up-and-comers, Zookwinkle and Rubber. Will the comeback trip become Sheldon’s very last? Can he ever recover from missing one and a half legs?

Stay tuned for details about the poor sap as they become available from Gnome General Hospital.

Your loyal reporter,
Sketchy Andy The Gnome

Save the Gnomes in Oakland, California!

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The SF Gate published an article over the weekend about gnomes popping up around Oakland, California. They’re 6-inch hand-painted figures on wooden boards screwed to utility poles.

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However, the bastard utility company is threatening to remove them!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read all about it: http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Painted-gnomes-bring-smiles-in-Oakland-4226330.php#photo-4084239

People in the area love them! The wooden gnomes are cheerful and make residents smile as they pass by. And they’re even environmentally friendly! They are attached to the poles by screws instead of nails and are never attached to trees.

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Let us hereby proclaim that we drunk gnomes support you wooden gnomes! May you live long and prosper! And hey…..come visit the Midwest….we’d love to see you around here too 🙂

Yours truly,
Sketchy Andy The Gnome

What are YOU preparing for Thanksgiving dinner?

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We gnomes are preparing FISH!

Okay, so perhaps turkey is the standard. But can you imagine us wee gnomes trying to cut a turkey! How ridiculous…turkeys are HUGE! Fish are much more manageable.

Shown here is our newly hired ” head fishergnome,” Fips. Fips comes from a long line of fishergnomes and grew up on the coast of Northern Maine. His father, Goebel, was an expert lobster catcher in the early 1900’s and taught him the ropes of nabbing seafood from its natural habitat in mass quantities.

Fips was born in 1970 in Germany. He is the oldest gnome residing in The Gnome Abode and brings a great deal of wisdom to our community. Welcome, Fips…welcome!

He has taught us that the relationship between gnomes and fish goes back many generations. He is also in charge of supplying us with the main course for our dinner tomorrow!

Fishergnomes from around the globe started sending us their very best catch pictures as soon as they heard word about our Thanksgiving Day preparations.

Check these guys out!

While the diet of gnomes generally contains very little meat, many of us make an exception for fish. They’re just so gosh darn delicious!

Personally, I love fishing! As a stoner, the hobby gives me a perfect opportunity to be lazy for long periods of time and stare at things that aren’t moving much.

Hells yeah.

 

 

So, whether you’re preparing your turkey, your fish, or some sort of vegetarian bullshit dish….we wish you the best as you prep your stomachs to be disgusting full and content for the upcoming weekend.

Yours in gnomish thanks,
Sketchy Andy The Gnome