Meet Shirley Gnome: A Raunchy Canadian Comedy Performer with an Awesome Name

Anyone who has the last name “Gnome” is A-OK in my book.

I randomly encountered someone who can only be described as my dream girl. Her name is Shirley Gnome and she’s completely and wonderfully inappropriate.

sg

To get what I’m talking about, watch her music video for “Old Man.”

Shirley Gnome is a “self-styled white trash burlesque and comedy performer. Singing her special brand of dirty, crass, and absurd ‘cuntry’ music, Shirley belts out original tunes about the embarrassing, hilarious, and titillating adventures that happen when bodies collide.”

I have yet to hear her sing much about real gnomes, but honestly, I’m a little nervous about what she’d sing anyway.

She’s become pretty popular around Vancouver and scored $20 grand for winning the People Champ of Comedy Competition in 2012 Grand Prize Winner. She’s also been nominated for a 2014 Canadian Comedy Award for Best Variety Act. Right on, m’lady!

sg2

Photo credit: Alex Waterhouse

“If you fancy a wild evening of sexually fueled country rock, then get yourself along to see Shirley Gnome,” proclaimed an Edinburgh Fringe review.

Anyway, I love discovering gnome musicians of all sorts and thought I’d enlighten you about my new obsession today.

Tootaloo gnomies!

xoxo,
Lennon the Gnome

Did your ex-lover leave you with a broken gnome? Send him to London!

I don’t know about the rest of you gnomes, but I’ve gone through my fair share of heartbreaks breakups over the years.

This means that I’ve been stuck with a house full of painful reminders of love lost – jewelry, photo albums, teddy bears, and (gasp) even underwear. Well apparently now, there’s a place for all these unwanted and unloved things.

The Museum of Broken Relationships is the creation of Croatian ex-lovers Olinka Vištica and Dražen Grubišić. This travelling exhibition will open on 28th June at the Southbank Centre in London and run until August 31st.

And apparently, this sorry excuse for a garden gnome is among the museum’s exhibits:

museum

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Mannequin hands, dreadlocks, and an ax are also on display. What a marvelous idea!

So what’s driving you crazy to look at and provide constant reminders about “what might have been?” I’m starting up a collection to send over to London this weekend, so hit me up!

xoxo,
Roxy the Heartbroken Gnome

1930s Gnomes Take Over Rock City

Okay has anybody been to Rock City?

It’s around Chattanooga, Tennessee, and although we gnomes have passed through the area a couple times, we still haven’t’ had a chance to visit.

The oldest one of us living around The Gnome Abode was born in about 1970. But Fips has got nothing on the Rock City gnomes.

Photo credit: See Mid TN (Brent) via Flickr

Photo credit: See Mid TN (Brent) via Flickr

Rock City is a big amusement-type attraction, but what we really care about seeing is the trail with all the gnomes living along it. Some of those gnomes have been greeting visitors since the 1930s, so obviously they’ve grown a little tattered and torn over the years.

“They fit perfectly with Rock City because we are trying to make this a place where you can stop and appreciate what you don’t always get to because we are always on cell phones and don’t see our surroundings,” longtime employee Joy Giles told News Channel 9.

A dude named Matt Dutton is to thank for keeping all these ancient gnomes in tip-top shape. He looks at old photos to keep the gnomes’ coloring consistent and paints and repairs them as needed. Matt uses urethane resin and a hardner to fills his handmade molds, meanwhile restoring each little one’s unique personality.

smt2

Photo credit: See Mid TN (Brent) via Flickr

“They  become little sculptures, little pieces of art and if people understand that maybe they will have more appreciation of what they are looking at,” Dutton said. “This isn’t just a gnome, it’s a handmade gnome here in Chattanooga.”

Looks like we found ourselves another reason to head back down to Tennessee!

Happy Friday gnomies!

xoxo,
Caesar the Gnome

PS – for more great photos of the Rock City gnomes, check out SeeMidTN.com!

Stop Whatever You’re Doing and Watch this 3-Minute Gnome Video

gnomeclinic

Paying for television is for schmucks. And we gnomes are NOT schmucks.

While doing a lil’ flip-a-roo on the ole’ telly last night, I could hardly believe what appeared before my eyes. I caught the tail-end of a mini-segment about a garden gnome clinic for injured gnomes in Germany.

And then with the blink of an eye, it was over! Drat! Double drat!

But like the skillful lil’ researchers we are, we tracked down this magical mini-segment and stalked it like a Dateline NBC special on Friday night.

(You know, the ones that make you feel less like a loser when you’re cradling your bottle of $2.89 Aldi wine on the couch. Because at least you weren’t kidnapped, right? RIGHT?!)

NBC is free too!

Ok but back to the gnome show…

The station is called DW and the show is called Germany Today. The blip about the gnome doctor is only about 3 1/2 minutes long, but it is truly wonderful. Some of us need to schedule an appointment with this gnome doctor and others of us are crafty enough to steal this idea and become gnome doctors ourselves!

Oh wait, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, isn’t it? Dr. A. Chu, MD at your service!

Well if you didn’t already click on the video link at the top of this rambling post, click on this link and learn about this delightful German woman.

The Garden Gnome Clinic – Germany Today

My favorite part is when they take the biggun’s out for a ride in the car and strap on their seat belts. Safety first, gnomies! Otherwise, to the gnome doc you go!

Be well,
Dr. A. Chu, MD

Bad Gnomes, Bad Gnomes…Whatcha Gonna Do?

Take a moment out of your drunken Friday stupor to listen to the sirens wailing behind you.

Heh heh made ya look!

That’s probably the Scotch talking. Anyhoo.

Gnomes are being turned into cops, and cops are being turned into gnomes. Or something like that. Police in Durham (UK of course, where else?) have enlisted garden gnomes dressed in uniform to fight crime.

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

According to a Daily Mail article, a different gnome representing a different crime will be highlighted in the campaign each week. “Although the introduction of the gnomes is light-hearted and a bit of a gimmick it also has a real purpose for us,” said Chief Constable Mike Barton.

So what are the gnomes specifically fighting against? Theft, drunk driving and shoplifting. Road safety, cycle security, and neighborhood watch are also up for grabs.

I also read that a concrete business in Darlington, Dekra Crete, created the cop gnomes for local law enforcement free of charge. Mad props to local potter, Annette Metcalfe, who painted each one by hand.

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

So keep your eye out for these lil’ buggas if you’re in the area, because if you spot all 10, you might just win a prize!

DISCLAIMER: This is a “nudge nudge wink wink” to American police forces, who are entirely too stuffy for their own dang good. Bring on the gnomes. We know how to start shenanigans, which means we kinda sorta know how to stop ‘em.

Stay safe out there, kiddos.
Lieutenant SpeakNoGnome the Gnome, Battalion 36